i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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