i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
