quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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