five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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