You just made me feel so damn special
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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