Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
