I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
