Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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