He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
