She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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