he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
