just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
