Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
