I got chris browned last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
