Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
