she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
