Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
