6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
