I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
