My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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