and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
