My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My life is pants optional.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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