If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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