I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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