How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize