White coat. Heels.
You just made me feel so damn special
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize