My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
