They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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