Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize