absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
