where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
