Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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