: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
