I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
