I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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