Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
