So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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