Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
