just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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