There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
