I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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