I CAN MOONWALK!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
