No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
