So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
