I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
