I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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