Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
