? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
