Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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