Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize