are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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