what day is it and did you see me today?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
