We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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