There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
