When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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