Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
