I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
