I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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