sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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