I'm lost and stupid without you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
home. puking in laundry basket.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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