as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
