Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
