So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize