I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Congratulations! We have a period
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