dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
