I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
