She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
