You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
