I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
