Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
