We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
