she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
