I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
