I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
