Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
