i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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