"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
