yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
