Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
