Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm both gender and math confused
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
