Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
